Mack Truck Of Love?

There I was.. in the delivery room. Kelsey’s neck in one hand and her foot in the other.. all I can remember is the cheering.

You know in the movies, when they’re at the race track and horses are about to cross the finish line? That moment when everyone stands up and begins to yell out of suspense and excitement? That was it. That is what it felt like cheering her on as our son was introduced into this world.

I’d been warned, as I’m sure many have been, about the overwhelming sense of love that would overcome me as soon as I laid eyes on my child. How nothing else would matter and how my son would instantly be all I live for.

I was ready.. ready to be ran over and completely demolished by this mack truck of love so many described to me. “Just wait until you lay eyes on them.”, I kept thinking. Let’s do this, close my eyes.. take the wheel!

well.. That wasn’t the case for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I am deeply and extremely fond of Elliot and even now I feel a weight in my heart as I speak of him. I don’t know if that is love and that’s the truth. My emotions, as positive as they may be, elude my understanding.

It is made to seem like you’re bound to face this instant overwhelming emotion. A love greater than any you’ve felt before. One second you don’t, the next you do. That never sounded like me.. still doesn’t.

I cannot say I am in love with Elliot quite yet and I can’t help but feel guilty for saying that. I don’t know what will do it. Maybe men need a laugh or a smile, something in return to make that connection? Maybe it’s just me? I do know that I am not alone in my experience and hopefully I’m able to share that with you all someday. Please share it with me if it sounds like you too.

It may take some time to truly fall for him and I’m good with that. It doesn’t mean I’m wrong, it doesn’t mean I’m heartless, and I feel that is important to say out loud. Some things just take time. I’m looking forward to the journey that get’s me there.