Ignorance is bliss - Pt. 1
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
That is by far the question I’ve been asked the most.
”I don’t know. We’re letting it be a surprise.”
I’ve had a lot of fun watching people’s mixed reactions to that answer. Some smile and nod their heads with a sense of pride and respect while the rest lose their minds over the thought of it.
“That’s really cool, good for you, that’s exciting!” or “Why? You’re crazy, I could never do that!” The responses are either hot or cold.. there is nothing in between.
Early on, Kelsey and I made the easy mutual decision not to know the sex of our baby. No one knows.. not our family, not our friends, not our doctor, nobody. Initially, we wanted to avoid falling into the trend of creating this huge gender reveal only to share it on social media with people we don’t really even know. Why does it matter so much anyway? The important thing is that we have created a new life. Let’s focus on that. Besides, we’ve never been the “hey look at us” couple and we had no intentions of starting now.
Going into this pregnancy, I didn’t know what to expect. As a man, I feel there is a level of disconnect throughout this process. Sure we can help pick things up, grab extra pillows, and hold her hair back but at the end of the day we’re only a bystander. With the baby’s sex topic out of the way, we were left with a blank slate wondering, “what now?”. There was nothing for me to do other than be present, so I have been.. I never expected to gain so much because of it.
What began as not knowing and being present has allowed me to remain disconnected (for the most part) from the stress, anxiety, and nervousness that is sometimes associated with becoming a new dad. Imagining a child running around this house doesn’t work for me unless I can attach “boy” or “girl” to it, so I don’t really think about that either. Most importantly, it’s allowed me to consider the core values I wish to adopt as a father, without smearing them with my preconceived notions of what cultivating a girl or boy would be like. It’s allowed me to remain open, to discover, and absorb the ambitions and ideals I hope to achieve. I’ve tried to break my thoughts down to bare bones.. and here they are.
- Boy or Girl -
Love them. Partner with them in order to create good stories about themselves and the world around them. Allow them to be who they need to be. Expose them to as much as you have the power of doing. Help them manifest their passion(s). Invest everything.